I am very blessed to have so many amazing and supportive friends in my life. I also realize that my illness can often be a source of stress and concern for them. Most of my friends are healthy - well, healthy compared to my situation. Of course, as we are all getting older some of them now turn to me as their aches and pains become chronic and ask me for advice. I'm so glad to be able to give something back from this often difficult journey.
Advice. That's the key word. We all have both received it and given it in our lives. It's one of the ways that we as lost humans connect. I guess what I'm thinking about really is more than that. I'm thinking about our oft nemesis, unsolicited advice (UA). My friends are famous for this, and I am quite sure it is always done with the best of intentions. I do appreciate it, as my friends have good hearts and want to see me well. Unfortunately, what I find happens is that with every piece of UA I have to explain again about my illness, and again, and again. Sometimes, really, I just don't want to do that. I like my rabbit hole and would like to stay there periodically. And, there is a serious lack of understanding that there is no cure. NO CURE. Thus the word CHRONIC. I'm okay with that. I don't think, however, that my friends are okay with that. And you know what is ridiculous really? When I get these pieces of UA I actually feel like my friends believe I can't manage it myself. Which, of course, I realize logically is ridiculous and that isn't where they're coming from...but, it's how I feel. With every UA, I feel a little more defensive about explaining all the things I've done over this nearly two decade-long journey being ill. The many steps, the missteps, the tears, the pain, then the amazing breakthroughs....and of course, the continuing flare ups. And being defensive won't help me to really listen to that one thing that someone might say someday that I actually need to hear and will help me. Maybe this is how any UA is. I remember as a young parent there was all kinds of UA at every turn. Of course, I didn't really know anything so I just said thanks and nodded my head. Okay, sometimes I also seethed a little inside. Just a little...and imagined snappy comebacks that would put them in their place and show them my amazing ability to use my own Magic 8 Ball to answer all the parenting questions of the world. Muah ha ha....
So, I guess with a chronic illness that UA becomes chronic as well. I have learned through this process, however, that unless I'm at work where I'm paid to give people advice, I try to be really sensitive to other people when offering my own. The importance of connecting with each other is sharing experience, and that sharing means that we care enough to want to help one another. And, that is a beautiful thing.
