Pain and Chronic Illness

Tonight I'm not feeling well.  My lower back hurts, and my abdomen feels like someone is grabbing it and twisting. I walk doubled over into the bathroom, sitting with my Word Seek book trying to ignore the pain and hoping it passes soon. I have a routine for these times - grab my water, my chapstick, a blanket, slippers, sometimes a pillow, and hunker down. The Word Seek books I keep next to the toilet to keep my mind off the pain. It helps. I don't know why, but it does. I find this routine soothing somehow, because so far it has got me through every time alive, so now I've developed a superstition about it. Like sports players not washing their jerseys...but I think I smell better.

This current flare is the result of not taking my full meds last weekend. I only managed two meals a day so I was down a dose for three days in a row. Not good. My interstitial cystitis acted up first - starting with the feeling like I have to pee every few minutes.  Annoying, and painful. Then the costochondritis flared up. This came on about 4am on Tuesday with a pain under my left armpit. It's sharp like a knife being plunged into my ribs, then fades, then I relax, then it comes back again. This lasted about 24 hours. Now, the ulcerative colitis. And, all of this causes fatigue. I want to just curl up in my bed, heated blanket on, soft pillows surrounding me, and disappear for a while.  I want to lock the world out, my responsibilities out, and just sleep until I feel better. I don't have that luxury being a single parent, but I can pretend I do in my mind which helps a little bit.

Pain is something all of us have in our lives in one form or another. I have a certain amount of chronic pain that is constantly with me, which I hardly think of as pain anymore. Then I have this kind of pain - the pain of the flare up.  I wonder how others out there deal with their pain?  What works for you?

I often get asked what others can do for me. Most of the time, I really just want to be left alone. I need to go into my mind to deal with it.  Maybe bring me my water, tell me you're there if I need you, and then leave me until I get through it.  It's not callous, and there's nothing really you can help with. Just knowing you care is what I need, that's all.

Well, back to the bathroom.....