The Day After: Taking On Chronic Illness

Well, really it's two days after because I just wasn't up to writing yesterday. That's one of the most maddening bits about being sick - all the things I have to set aside for a later time. I've learned to be okay with it because there is no other choice. It's taught me patience...profound patience. It's also taught me to really enjoy the moments when I feel well ('well' being a relative term). Of course, I also tend to pack everything in at once. I did a research paper years ago with a friend on the intersections of disability, race and sexual orientation. One of the things we learned from those we interviewed who had a chronic illness was a need to make up for lost time and well as a tendency to overcompensate in almost all areas. It wasn't a surprise, but instead showed me what I already knew. To hear others say the same thing was comforting; sometimes we just need to know we're not as alone as we feel with whatever illness we have. I didn't realize how many others had UC until I started being open to talking about it. It's amazing what you can learn, the support you can find as well as give.

One of the things I want to share today is the importance of really taking on a chronic illness. In the end, there isn't anyone who can help you as much as you can help yourself. Understand what you have going on for you, challenge the doctors, take the bull by the horns and do everything you can to not give in to the despair that may try to drag you down. I was told over 10 years ago that I'd never work again, that I could just lay around taking Vicodin until my time finally came. I believed it for about six months...then I said to myself "screw this, if I'm only around a little while longer I don't want it to be this way" and I got myself off the pain meds, started taking control over what was happening and really started living. No, it wasn't easy and I don't mean to imply that in any way. It did, however, lead me to much better health care and medication that is finally working. I know that is not the case for everyone by any stretch of the imagination. I guess what I'm just trying to say is - don't give in. Fight it. Live every day and every moment in the most present way possible and believe. It makes all the difference.